Babies in your Life

I know a number of scholars who have young children, and by young I mean under 5 or 6. If they are women, they are likely to bear the major responsibility for bringing up their babies--this is conventional, and a man might well take on that role, but rarely does.

Those women have vigorous careers and they are particularly strained. They may well feel something akin to guilt since they are away from the infants and toddlers much of the day, come home somewhat tired, and...  They may have helpful spouses, but that is not guaranteed.

So, realize you are not alone among your colleagues, in your generation. You will need to get extra help, so you have time off on weekends to recharge, and help in the evening. Your children will grow up fine, knowing you love them. That's not the problem.

As for men, if you are not the sole parent: Even if your spouse is actually staying at home with the babies, you want to take over as much as you can. At least one day each weekend, and several weeknights. It's good for you. Babies and toddlers train their parents to be good parents. You are not doing your spouse a favor, even if you are by the way doing so. You are doing yourself and your children a favor.

I am sure there are many ways of ruining our children. But if we love them, are attentive to them, if we treat them as the treasure they are, we will thrive. The kids will too.

Finally, you may have special needs kids, or even elderly parents. There is no easy way out, except to get help, to realize that you are in an impossible situation, to do your work since it will provide you with a core, and to find others in your situation.

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